And so it begins....

I am a late blogger, I guess you could say. I am beginning this blog as my youngest of three children is about to turn 2. But better late than never, right. I will go, for a moment, back to the beginning of my life as a mother, because if I go back further than that, well... That is a whole other blog. Anyway here we go..... I was in my early 20's flying through life with out much thought of any one other than myself. I thought I had the world by the tail as I skipped school, stayed out too late and generally made really stupid decisions. My biggest worry in life was if my nail polish looked good with whatever open toed shoes I was wearing. Tough life, huh? Little did I know just how drastically my life was going to change. One afternoon, after buying out all the EPT tests at a local drug store, I finally came to terms with the fact that I was....Oh my gosh....pregnant. I can still see my brother's face when I told him. He actually laughed at me. Since we were roommates and all my partying had kept him up for far too many frustrating nights, I guess, to him it was poetic justice. But after he realized how scared I was he said, "Well, I guess you better call mom!" And in a conversation that I was sure would end with her strangling me, I gave my mother the terrifying news. She told me she loved me and that there was nothing we could not get through. And with that my journey began. I was single, I was immature, and I was petrified. I had no clue that this would be the hardest and single most life changing event in my 23 years of living. I will never forget the support of my family during this time. Especially my brother. He drove the nursing staff crazy making sure they were doing all they could for me. Yep, the same brother that laughed at me, slept on the hard hospital floor and offered me ice chips for more than 15 hours as his precious nephew entered this world. On June 28, 1999 my Gavin was born. I looked at that creation and for the first time, I knew my life meant something, that God could use a vessel as filthy and rebellious as me to shelter one of His most prized possessions. All those years I had searched for love in all the wrong ways, suddenly faded, because I knew that I had found the truest expression of love in my son. I am quite certain that he came here with more wisdom than most adults and for 9 incredible years, I have learned many lessons from him. We get so wrapped up in teaching our children lessons, that sometimes we miss out on the many lessons we can learn from them. Since that very day, I have never doubted God's love for me. He could have allowed me to self destruct from the lifestyle I was living. He could have let me go, but instead He chose to change my life and show me His grace in the most amazing way. There is no doubt in my mind that the red, screaming, wrinkled little angel saved my life and God has been using him to save it ever since.